sometime later he started to sweat milk

i've had a couple of words about my healing being a gradual thing, coming in steps, and i've been wondering over the last couple of days, which of all my many symptons would i want to improve first: to have improved mobility; to be able to see properly again; to be able to remember things; to be able to concentrate; to not get fatigued; to have full control of my bladder/bowels; to not have tinnitus (or however you spell it); to have no numbness/tingling in any of my body; to not be affected by heat; no insomnia; no pain or spasms in my legs; no depression.

to be able to walk better is the obvious one, and that would have lots of knock-on effects anyway - it's mean i'd be able to get to the loo quicker, and the extra exercise would probably mean less spasms & better sleep. but apart from that i'm not really sure. there's some things i'm not that arsed about - not being able to see properly with my right eye just means i can't catch things when people throw things at me (like stones, rotten veg, that sort of thing), and not remembering properly just means i frequently have the same conversation with people & i tell them the same thing twice, which doesn't bother me much though it probably bores the other person. and it also means i check whether i locked the door at night a couple times, though some people reckon that's just OCD. they're probably right. the tinnitus & numbness i'm used to & can pretty much live with them.

apart from walking, it'd be a toss up between fatigue, insomnia & incontinence. the fatigue's nowhere near as bad as it was a year ago, thank God. i think it's hard for people to get what it's like when it hits, unless you've had experience of it. but i frequently have to say no to doing things cos i'm too tired, or it would be too tiring, which is always gutting missing out on things. having a good night's kip makes such a difference to how i feel the next day, and not sleeping's usually the biggest test of my faith in God. and being fully continent again will be a massive relief (i know that's generally a bit of a taboo subject, but deal with it. you'll probably be incontinent when you get old anyway. but the stress fearing you might shit yourself is, obviously, pretty debilitating).

anyway, this post is boring, so here's a picture of me.